The Long Way Home… Soul Contracts and Losing Yourself…

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Every reading I do amazes me, the resilience of people and the lengths they will go to, to protect the ones they love. Today I did a reading for a lovely couple that touched my heart and really gave me food for thought. I would like to share it with you.

Josie and Frank have been together for 15 years and Frank is currently going through the end stages of Dementia. I have previously done a couple of phone sessions with Josie, we always chat for a while and todays call was long, we had lots to talk about, some of it was about the practicalities of how Josie is coping on her own taking care of her husband, the rest about soul contracts. They have no family support at all and live in cramped quarters whilst trying to navigate the confusing and frightening place they find themselves in.

This time round I could feel that Frank was moving further away from who he used to be, his moments of lucidity are few and far between. He has been journeying over to the spirit world, he calls it home and he has been checking it out. He told Josie he is building a house over there and is preparing for his journey. He understands that she cannot go with him and needs to be sure that she will be ok. He has told her numerous times that he has to go and is sorry she can’t come with him. The more he becomes trapped in his own mind,  the more he goes over to the other side where he feels well and there is no confusion.

As we were speaking I kept hearing random womens names, then I felt a mother figure step in, she loved Frank so much and gave me that feeling of motherly love. I asked Josie about Frank’s mother and she told me he was adopted at 2 years of age after being abandoned by his birth mother. The woman that adopted him all those years ago assured me that she would come and take Frank back home to the spirit world. She had such a gentle nature and a heart full of love.

Josie asked me about the progression of Franks disease and we discussed it quite openly. She needs to be able to make arrangements and to do what needs to be done at this point in time. As we chatted I began getting strong feelings and asked her how she felt. Josie is quite in tune but due to a very difficult childhood she has difficulty trusting her intuition sometimes. I told her that she had made a soul contract with Frank to look after him at the end of his life, it was a big contract and as a soul she had agreed to do it on her own so she could grow on a soul level. She told me that she understood and she can see that now. Recently she had gone through a process of acceptance and surrender that helped her immensely. She has gained great insight into herself and indeed, her past which has eased the burdens from her childhood.

Josie doesn’t know what will happen over the next few months so I reassured her and suggested taking it day by day and dealing with things as they come up. This would give her some headspace to continue with and understand her part in Frank’s journey. I was also told she would earn a lot of brownie points and balance her karma up nicely, that made her laugh. I wished Josie well and told her I loved her. I will pray for them tonight.

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Becoming me… Connection to Spirit and The Way of the Goddess…

21 years ago today my life changed… forever. I was thrust on to my spiritual path, my heart torn into a million pieces, blinded by tears with no direction. I’d never heard about this path, let alone known how or where to find it. What was it all about? How could I possibly find the answers I needed, surely someone else could point me in the right direction.

As I moved cautiously forward I would catch glimpses from the corner of my eyes, glimpses of markers on the road, they had cryptic information scratched into them and I knew I must look inside myself to decipher those strange markings. How could someone like me possibly understand such ancient knowledge? What was I supposed to do with the feelings and insights that came upon me like gentle thoughts upon a warm summer breeze, whispering the truth I had waited to hear for the longest time. It was my own truth, truth from my soul, beckoning me to immerse myself in the waters of love. Love of the Goddess, love from women who were guides on my path, these women came into my life for just a short time but long enough to shine their light so I may see the next step, only the next step, never more than that.

When I began to see my way forward I understood the role of the Goddess in my life. She was prodding me gently, telling me that I must trust myself and my feelings. Helping me to remember who I really am, who I have always been. She told me ‘ The way forward will not be easy. The way of the Goddess is beautiful and terrifying in its beauty. You can lose your way, sometimes so much that you fear you will never find a way back to yourself’. She told me to keep my eye on the light. ‘Always follow the light my child, when you are in the depths of despair you will need to know where the light is as it will lead you to the next stage of your growth. And remember to take your pack of seeds with you everywhere you go, check your pockets now and then to be sure you have them. You will need them in the darkness, when you have hit rock bottom. For when you are in the pit of despair with no way out, they will save you. By planting the seeds of your soul in the rich dark earth, in that place you will grow the most wondrous things. You will grow your soul and it will shine brighter than the sun, it’s warmth will grow those seeds into beautiful blooms that will propel you from the darkness into the light, you know the light, it was the tiny pinprick that gave you hope, that gave you the faith and trust in yourself to keep going when you were sure you could not go on. That faith helped you to grow into the beautiful soul that you show to the world today’.

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Recapitulation Reminder

Another great post from Comtemporary Shaman.

Contemporary Shaman

600_451159830Dear Kin

Many of you ask me about recapitulation over and over again. I have posted it before so this time please copy it and keep it. It’s an essential tool to survive in this busy chaotic climate. It is a very old shamanic technique that is easy to do and you can really go deep with it in your own time.

Look and see if the outbreath or inbreath is deeper, fuller, longer when you practice. This lets you know if you are more likely to give your power away or that you absorb too much of others debri’s.

Recapitulation is akin to a mini soul retrieval and can get you through challenging time until you find a good practitioner to work with to do deeper work. You can also find it and other tools and journey tips in my workbook at my website.

Recapitulation

Recapitulation is going back…

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Past Lives… Memories… Deep Healing and Love is bigger that That 💙

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I did a much anticipated reading for one of my Facebook friends in Florida this morning and it was out of this world. Straight off the bat the information came thick and fast, so much past life stuff that included so many souls. I don’t consider myself a past life reader but this session may have changed that view! The connections were amazing and I got a little confused at one stage lol coz there was so much going on. I had two special young men in spirit that were in my work room, goofing around and throwing a baseball to each other, catching it in their mitts and having a great time. They were so happy to be getting their messages through to my friend, Tracey and her daughter Sam. These boys had so much love in their hearts and souls and I loved the gratitude they were directing at me for being the person to bring all of them together, even though it was for a short time, it was profound and very, very healing. One of the boys had been murdered 10 years ago and the other only lived a short time after birth, old souls…

A lot of questions were answered and the ladies were able to put many things into place and understand the complexity of situations that could not be understood on face value. I loved speaking with Sam as she is an old soul and a smart kid to boot. I didn’t realise she was in the room till about half way through the reading. I gave them very clear guidance about moving forward and suggested to do a big smudge and cleanse on themselves and the house. Tracey was crying so I knew I’d done a good job lol and at the end of the reading she thanked me about 17 times and told me that she loved me ❤️

When she told me that I got all warm and fuzzy and those words from the heart just confirmed why I do what I do. I am so blessed that I can help others in such a profound way and I am grateful every day. Big ups to my Guides and to Justin and Matthew for giving me a hand. 🙏🙏

Looking in the Mirror… Reflection and Moving On…

I grew up in Sydney, Australia. My childhood was unstable, unpredictable and terrifying.

I made the decision just over 20 years ago that I wanted nothing to do with my family so I told them they were no longer my blood, I wanted nothing to do with them and to never contact me again. I had no choice, it was an act of self preservation.

I grew up amid dysfunction, domestic violence, addiction and neglect. My father was a violent, angry drunk that beat my mother weekly for at least 20 years that I know of (I escaped the first time when I was 18 years old when I moved to another city 100 kms away from my home town). I lived in survival mode the whole time I was in the family home, trying to keep myself and my siblings out of harms way. My father never hit us but my mother did. She would hit us with all manner of things as well as slap your face, repeatedly, I hated that! I believe she has an undiagnosed mental illness as she was emotionally unstable, cruel, manipulative, spiteful and she used to make up stories about her life and other things that were not true. She lied to me about her side of the family and I only found out the truth when my family found me 3 years ago. I could not believe they found me after so long and that brought on the biggest trigger of my life so far, I have had two other major triggers as well.

When I was 14 years old I was badly burnt in a house fire in the family home, my father was also involved but I received 2nd and 3rd degree burns to 35% of my body, I was hospitalised for 3 months and I thought I was going to die. When I came out of hospital my parents shipped me off to my favourite Auntie’s house as I needed round the clock care, wound dressings, Pain Management etc. Thank the Goddess they did send me to her, I had some respite for a couple of months, away from the chaos, I could relax! I stayed with her until till I could walk again then it was back to the hell hole at number 27. The fire incident and my subsequent injuries had ramped up the craziness and violence at home as my parents blamed each other. I struggled to catch up with school and only did the minimum requirement before I left school at 16 as I could not focus on study due to what was going on at home. I also started using drugs around this time.

When I finally got away at 18 I became a Nurse. I had a great time doing that job. My parents were still too close for comfort so I decided to sell everything I owned and move to the other side of the country (Perth). My parents forbid me to do it so I did it anyway! I could finally breath, at last. I started a new life and a new career as a Croupier. About a year after I arrived in W.A. I found out I was pregnant, it had happened during a one night stand. I was drinking, taking drugs and being promiscuous so didn’t realise until I was 11 weeks. I had a termination the week after I found out and just got on with my life, I didn’t feel good about what I had to do but knew I could not bring up a child at that point in my life. I was 24 years old.

Two months later I met my soul mate and the man I would spend the next 10 years with. We travelled the world working in different casinos from Perth to Malaysia, to Moscow and in between. We did love each other in a dysfunctional kind of way, we looked out for each other during our travels but eventually grew apart so we separated, the decision was mutual. We took a lot of drugs together, did extremely risky and dangerous things, almost got arrested in Bangkok with heroin and just got out of that nightmare by the skin of our teeth. After we split up I came back to Australia, heartbroken and a total mess. My parents asked me to come home so they could look after me, in my despair I agreed. They did an absolute number on me which pushed me to almost take my life. In 6 weeks I lost my 10 year relationship, my 12 year career and my whole family. I was crippled with grief and alone.

This sent me into a downward spiral that I’m lucky to have survived. I pawned some stuff and got on a bus to Perth, I was determined to get back here for some reason. When I arrived I caught up with some people I used to know, got a job in a bar, rented a room in a share house and went on a 3 year drug binge. I also became a drug dealer to feed my habit and got into some circles that were not good. I had a lot of bad people around me, dark energy and violence. It got to a stage where I was so out of control my friends tried to do an intervention but I was having none of it. What woke me up was being threatened with physical violence for an unpaid drug debt. That got my attention! I stood back & had a look at my life, started to cut down the amount of drugs I was taking and 3 months later I had stopped using. I packed all my possessions in my little car and drove away from that life while my housemates were at work, nobody knew where I had gone. I had to start a new life all on my own!

A week after I got away I went to a GP and told her I needed help as I was drug fucked and that I needed help. I told her I had gone cold turkey off more than one street drug and I was kinda freaking out. All the crazy memories from my past came back in a blinding flash and I was completely overwhelmed. She got me in as an outpatient at a rehab clinic near where I was living, so I went there weekly for the next year. I detoxed quickly but still had to wee in a cup while someone watched me for 6 months, that was both humiliating and a humbling experience. I was medicated as well as seeing a psychologist a psychiatrist weekly. The clinic saved my life.

Just 4 short months later I would step onto my spiritual path with gusto. I found my way to the door of the woman that would teach, guide and nurture me for the next 4 years. I studied Tarot, Psychic Development and Astrology for 4 years, these fascinating subjects gave me a focus and opened up the abilities I had kept hidden for so many years. I knew I had found my calling and have been working as a professional Medium for the past 17 years. I have never taken drugs again, I have not had a drink for almost 10 years and I quit smoking 4.5 years ago.

Fast forward to September 2016 when my neighbour who was on methamphetamine and drunk went crazy, jumped my back fence, smashed up all my stuff and threatened to kill me. Hello PTSD, there you are! I completely lost it and was in the foetal position on the floor having a full blown panic attack, experiencing flashbacks and feeling like I was 8 years old again in the family home. The police came and arrested him & took him to jail. I moved out of there a few weeks later. When I was settled in my new house I went to my new GP and told her what had been going on. She referrred me to a Psychologist that I had 15 sessions with over 10 months. The psychologist diagnosed me with Complex Trauma & Major Depressive Disorder. In April of 2017 I fell back into the darkness. I spiraled down into the pit of despair and went through a truly awful dark night of the soul. I became suicidal again and could not see my way clear. I was overwhelmed, terrified and barely able to function.

My best friend could see I was not in a good place in September and took me to the Doctor. Dr Michelle referred me to the mental health unit in my area. I was given a case worker that called me every day and had to see a very caring and funny Psychiatrist every 2 weeks, he also put me on another medication. That medication saved my life and within 2 weeks I was out of the darkness and the depression was all but gone, the anxiety halved. I have now been on those meds for 5 months and I feel great! I also had a psychiatric assessment and was diagnosed with MDD, PTSD and BPD. I have also resumed shamanic healing with a wonderful woman I have been working with for the past 3 years. I have found that healing very beneficial as it works on the soul level and I trust the practicioner completely. I have done 20 sessions with her over 3 years. Through the recent dark night of the soul and soul retrieval I have come to a deeper understanding of the complexity of my past.

I am managing much better now and am so grateful. I started Dialectical Behaviour Therapy in January and feel very positive about it. I have read just about every book about complex trauma, BPD and PTSD just to try and understand it. I now have clients coming to me with the same mental illnesses and I find myself helping and guiding them through the minefield that is trauma. All of this thanks to my own experiences. I feel I have almost come full circle and I know I will be helping people in that capacity in the future. I’m determined to heal as much as I can and I now look forward to the future.

This will be the last post I write about my past as the only way for me now is forward. All those events shaped me and my life and I am grateful for all those experiences. I am now able to sit with them without them hurting me. My heart is singing with the knowledge that I have done something I thought I would never be able to do, I have overcome my past! What happened is ok, it doesn’t matter anymore, all that matters is Love ❤️

M x

Personal Growth – is it optional?

A great write up by Tess from Wild EnchanTress ❤️

Soul Searching - Finding the answers through the Cards

Personal growth is not a tree that is evident in everyone’s backyard. Why do some people grow, change, thrive, and others do not? This question was put to me for discussion by an intelligent, growing and ever changing person. I realised that this question needed much understanding and thought which could only be sourced through deep meditation and external searching.

The first idea that came to me was courage, that is courage to face our life, our ego and our authenticity level head on.

It doesn’t matter who you are, how good or bad your experience in this life has been. The hardships and pain each and every one on earth experiences is no more or less for each of us from a relative perspective. It comes down to the meter or measuring stick that we use to compare our struggles with our overall individual experience.

My tool for understanding…

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