I have been through a deep inner change during the past week, one I have not experienced before. The shift came into my awareness in a subtle way but I had a strong ‘knowing’ that this is the change I had been waiting for, it’s hard to explain but I can feel the change inside of me. I have been going through an intense transformation over the past seven months since moving into this house and understand that I must release the expectations, disappointments and feelings of sadness and betrayal from my past. Through dreams, Archetypal work and teaching I have been shown what needs to go and what needs to stay, there’s a lot that needs to go! It is time to embrace acceptance, to stop pushing up against the things I cannot change. It is easy to slip into negative feelings and allow the inner critic to take over and tell me all sorts of lies but I will not allow that to happen. That voice has no power over me!
I have no choice but to surrender, there is nothing else to do, nothing. My wounded child does not like this as she has held tightly to the pain that has been her anchor for the longest time. She wants to lash out, to blame others for the way she feels and to make them hurt as she does so I must comfort her and help her to understand that it’s time for her to grow, to catch up with me and trust me enough to guide her through the rest of her journey. She has spent so much time in the dark, fearful of being found out for who she truly is, an imposter. Too afraid to show her vulnerability, to show her true self as people may not like her. People may not want to be her friend or they will just take what they need from her and leave her behind, sad and empty, again. I must lead her into my heart and allow her to rest there and feel the love I have for her. To help her to be more resilient and most importantly, to know she is safe.
This journey of healing is an arduous one, just when I think I’m over the line something else pops up. As one part of my past is dealt with another is waiting in the wings to be picked through, processed and put to rest. It has been very intense for three years and I’m so tired, emotionally and physically. I haven’t had much respite at all but I am finally able to see my progress, my bloody brilliant progress. This has smoothed my rough edges and softened me and enabled me to be a caring and compassionate reader and teacher. I love the work that I do and understand my healing is not only for myself but also for all who come into contact with me.
This humbles my heart ❤️