Surrender. A Shift in Perception. Acceptance and Leading my Inner Child out of the Dark…

I have been through a deep inner change during the past week, one I have not experienced before. The shift came into my awareness in a subtle way but I had a strong ‘knowing’ that this is the change I had been waiting for, it’s hard to explain but I can feel the change inside of me. I have been going through an intense transformation over the past seven months since moving into this house and understand that I must release the expectations, disappointments and feelings of sadness and betrayal from my past. Through dreams, Archetypal work and teaching I have been shown what needs to go and what needs to stay, there’s a lot that needs to go! It is time to embrace acceptance, to stop pushing up against the things I cannot change. It is easy to slip into negative feelings and allow the inner critic to take over and tell me all sorts of lies but I will not allow that to happen. That voice has no power over me!

I have no choice but to surrender, there is nothing else to do, nothing. My wounded child does not like this as she has held tightly to the pain that has been her anchor for the longest time. She wants to lash out, to blame others for the way she feels and to make them hurt as she does so I must comfort her and help her to understand that it’s time for her to grow, to catch up with me and trust me enough to guide her through the rest of her journey. She has spent so much time in the dark, fearful of being found out for who she truly is, an imposter. Too afraid to show her vulnerability, to show her true self as people may not like her. People may not want to be her friend or they will just take what they need from her and leave her behind, sad and empty, again.  I must lead her into my heart and allow her to rest there and feel the love I have for her. To help her to be more resilient and most importantly, to know she is safe.

This journey of healing is an arduous one, just when I think I’m over the line something else pops up. As one part of my past is dealt with another is waiting in the wings to be picked through, processed and put to rest. It has been very intense for three years and I’m so tired, emotionally and physically. I haven’t had much respite at all but I am finally able to see my progress, my bloody brilliant progress. This has smoothed my rough edges and softened me and enabled me to be a caring and compassionate reader and teacher. I love the work that I do and understand my healing is not only for myself but also for all who come into contact with me.

This humbles my heart ❤️

 

 

 

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Ascension. Dreams & Trusting the Process…

  • The ascension symptoms I was experiencing earlier this year have returned after a 6 week break, I thought I was done with them but no. Again I’m having trouble getting up in the morning and I’m receiving downloads at night. I’m feeling so heavy and exhausted. Throw in the full moon and the Moon/Pluto opposition and it’s all happening. I’m going through another deep healing process, I’m having very vivid dreams of many people from my past. I’m dreaming about people from my 20’s and 30’s all mixed together, it’s weird. Add a few ex boyfriends…. ugh.This morning I had a dream where I was in a very deep and wide bath, the water was murky with bubbles on top. I was laying on the right hand side of the tub and different friends from the past that I no longer have contact with as well as ex boyfriends stepped into the left side of the bath, sat down, spoke to me then got out on the same side and walked away. I remember feeling perplexed in the dream and worrying about how dirty the water was becoming with all these people stepping into MY bath!

    When they had finished I got out of the right side of the bath and walked to the ocean, I stood on the shore and looked across the water to where there was the wing of a plane sitting on top of the waves. I walked into the waves I could see the rest of the plane under the water. I swam out to it and sat on the wing. As I turned to my right side the was an older Asian woman passing me a blonde haired baby boy. She kept telling me to take the child, pushing him towards me. I could see him very clearly, he had fair hair and blue eyes.

    I took him from her arms and looked at him, he had the face of an angel. When I looked up at the woman she said to me numerous times ‘he is 21 months, 21 months, 21 months’.

    Then I woke up…

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