Unforgiveness. Burdens of the Heart and Freedom…

Something that has been coming up a lot recently in the readings and teaching I have been doing is unforgiveness. This can be a difficult subject for some of us, especially if you have been betrayed, traumatised or hurt by the actions of another. We can hold on to our unforgiveness very tightly and some people proudly display it like a badge of honour. This can make us feel like victims of our circumstance and cause anger and depression.

I was one of those people that became a victim due to past trauma in my life and vowed never to forgive my parents for the pain and anguish they caused me for more than two decades. I spoke and behaved like a victim and pointed the finger at everyone and everything in my life, I was in so much pain that I vowed I would never forgive ‘those people’ because they did not deserve my forgiveness. Many years passed and the burden of the unforgiveness became so heavy I had no choice but to look at it from a different perspective. I could feel how heavy and uncompromising my heart had become due to my unwillingness to forgive.

So six years ago I went on my own healing journey to forgive my parents and to start healing the mother and father wounds I had been carrying for the longest time. I read books, read articles on websites, spoke to my friends and took myself back to therapy to see if I could break the tough outer shell I had placed around my heart. It was extremely painful but I knew in my soul that it was time for me to find forgiveness in my heart and genuinely forgive the person, not the actions. I worked hard and did everything I could to get to the place where I could release as much of that part of my past as I could and it was extremely liberating. I understood how much my past was colouring my now and it wasn’t coloured in bright colours.

Recently I have done some profound readings for people that were physically and emotionally bereft due to their unforgiveness. I explained to them very gently that the reason they were feeling the way that they were was due to the burden they had been carrying for so long. One lady was suicidal and desperately reaching out for help and I was glad I could help her through the extremely rough patch she was going through. She told me she could not find it in her heart to forgive all the people that had betrayed her and treated her poorly her whole life. I sat with her for two hours and we just talked. It was eye opening for me and by the time she left my home she was standing up straight and had a little smile on her face.

A week later she called me and she sounded like a completely different person. I asked her how she was doing and she told me she was great, better than ever! She had gone through a massive ritual of forgiveness and had released all the negative emotion she had been carrying around for more than forty years! She told me her world now had colour in it, not the drab grey she had been experiencing. She felt hopeful, had a sense of freedom and now understood what I was talking about, being stuck with an unforgiving heart. She is now doing extremely well and I am over the moon for her.

Forgiviness isn’t saying what happened or what people did was okay, not at all. Forgiveness is about you finding freedom in your life. Freedom to be happy and trust people again. Freeing that burden form your heart. Releasing the pain of the past. This process can take time but it is a worthwhile journey to take. I’m glad I did what I did and that I can now help people to live their best lives. Lives filled with happiness, hope and meaning.

Forgiveness is not a one size fits all, I totally get that. It worked for me and I’ve seen it work for others. If you are unable to do it that’s ok 😃


One thought on “Unforgiveness. Burdens of the Heart and Freedom…

  1. Martha, unforgiveness is the anchor to that horrid place. It’s the wall that continues to grow the more we focus on it. And, like you said, the unexplainable feeling of how it liberalizes your mind, body & soul is worth any work it takes to be in receipt of forgiveness. Because of you learning this & sharing what you’ve lived, your were able to gently open a door for another….the results of love. Never stop doing what you do!!


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