Cries from the Void…

Her screams are louder than her voice
But no-one hears her call
She stands alone to fight each day
Theres no hope, no hope at all

 

How could anyone love her
When she’s all broken apart
Her mother never loved her
Instead she broke her heart

 

Grief and despair call her friend
They know each other well
She longs for peace but will it come
Who can really tell

 

The child hears others joy
As they celebrate and cheer
She knows that joy is not for her
As she sheds another tear

 

The pain she feels you cannot know
It’s eating her away
The weigh of it’s too much to bear
As she carries it every day

 

She used to have hopes and dreams
But her brain tells her ‘yeah, right’
You’re not worthy the dark voice says
In the middle of the night

 

So where to next, she asks herself
And the empty room
No-one answers comes, there’s no way out
As she walks toward her doom

 

 

 

 

 

 

Past Lives. Healing the Mother Wound & Love…

via Past Lives. Healing the Mother Wound & Love…

Past, Present & Future Lives…

A couple of years ago I had a Past Life Regression that was nothing short of profound. It happened at a time in my life when I was questioning many of my relationships, past and present and it  helped me to make sense of a lot of things.

In the first life I was taken back to the early 1700’s where I was a medicine woman/shaman in a Lakota Sioux tribe. I was a powerful and greatly respected healer within the tribe that I was a part of. Like this current life I had not married or had children rather I focused on gaining wisdom and healing. I performed many rituals and was able to help women in childbirth as well as heal wounds, cure people & look after the children. It was not an easy life but I was happy… until I became ill and struggled to become healthy again, as I have in this life. Unfortunately I became progressively sicker & was unable to help my tribe, instead they were having to look after me. The winter that year was harsh and I could not heal myself so was becoming a burden. I was cast out as I was very unwell & left to fend for myself. I wandered for a few days through the snow and cold until I found a cave to take shelter in but died not long after that. 

In the next life I went back to I was a small child in medieval England, around 1430. I was a little girl around 7 years old. My grandma was taking care of me in that life where we lived on a farm and were very poor. I knew my mother was around as I could feel her but she was not my caretaker, again similar to this life. My grandma in that life was my paternal gran in this life, she passed away in 1982. We had a very good relationship and she cared for me like I was her own. I’m not sure why my mother was not present in that life but it made sense to me. I remember looking down at the clothes and shoes I was wearing and knowing this life was also tough. I had a peasants dress and sort of cloth shoes on my feet. We were out in a field and I could see hay and crops around me and grandma was picking veggies to cook as there was no meat, we needed the cows for milk etc. My paternal grandparents in this life were from a long line of dairy farmers from Buckinghamshire of Irish descent. Though we were poor I knew I was loved and I felt very secure in that love. Something I have not had in this life. 

I went back much further in the third life, to the 5th century where I was male roman soldier. This life was extremely chaotic and I found the energy of it very unsettling. I was in an army of more than a thousand men and could see my brother as well as a close childhood friend from my present life also in the ranks of that army. We were being told what we had to do by the General who was a very powerful man. He was standing on a building above us telling us we had to go and kill as many of the opposing army as we could or we would be killed, the general was my father in this life. This made me feel sick as I did not want to go and kill anyone. I was a peaceful man and wanted to live a simple life but had been forced into this position against my will. I knew I had a family but there was no time to think about them as I was trying to keep myself alive. By this time I was becoming very tired and distressed at how emotional I felt so asked to stop the regression. 

It took me a while to process all the similarities of those lives compared to my current life and it helped me to make some decisions that changed my life for the better. Events from those three lives have or are playing out in my life now. Regressions are so interesting and if they help you put the pieces of your current life together it can only be a good thing. One day I will have another regression and I look forward to it…

Martha Alice x

Dreams of the Past… Taking out the Trash and Starting Anew…

I’ve been having some really intense dreams for the past 3 months, since I burned my hand. Last night was no different though the subject of my dream was. I’ve had been dreaming about my estranged brother and sister a lot but last night I dreamt about a large apartment on the third floor. 

I was really angry in the dream as there was shit lying around everywhere, old shit that I didn’t want anymore and other people’s shit! I went from room to room picking up stuff and throwing it out the windows, what didn’t go out the windows I threw off the balcony! There were vibrations of betrayal and deceit in different rooms and that pissed me off even more! 

There was a man and a woman together in bed in one room and seeing that made me completely lose my shit. I was screaming at them, telling the to get the fuck outta my house and not come back, that they had no place being there. I knew I had loved the man in the past but was sickened by him in the dream. I could not believe the woman would betray me in such a way but she was not just one woman, there were many women inside her skin, women that had hurt me in the past. 

The dream seemed to go on for so long. I had a lot of shit to sort out and I wasn’t stopping until it was done. I finally got enough stuff and emotion out of the apartment that I could close the windows again, that made me happy. I then went back to the kitchen and got all of the appliance and threw those out the door, I slammed that door so hard to be sure it was closed. Then I woke up…

The Power of Dreams… Surrendering to the Past… Releasing the Scars of my Childhood…

Last night I had a most profound dream…

I was a nurse in the operating theatres (I actually was a nurse for 5 years in the early 80’s) and was looking after a young lady that was sitting on a gurney with the back of her hospital gown open. There were people around here and they were all looking at her back. As I approached her I could hear her sobbing and saying ‘it hurts, it hurts’. Her father was trying to console her and looked very concerned, I could also hear people gasping in surprise at what was on her back.

As I got closer to the gurney I could see that her whole back was taken up by a big tattoo of The Hanged Man, it was amazing. It looked a little like the Marseilles version but also was part skeleton like the Death card. I just stood there in awe of this tattoo and understood the meaning of it (though I was still a nurse). As I moved the gown away so I could see the bottom of the tattoo I saw it wasn’t called The Hanged Man, rather it’s title was ‘LIFE’S MYTHS’. I knew exactly what that meant, I closed her gown and walked away to do some work.

She had her operation and when I went back in to see her she was sitting up in the same position as before. Her father was still there but he wasn’t as stressed and he was standing in front of her this time. She turned to me then looked down at her back. I was completely taken aback as the Tattoo had changed quite dramatically. The Hanged Man/skeleton had hold of the living branch on the right hand side of the Tattoo and had pulled himself up almost to the branch he was hanging from on the card.

Then I woke up…

 

 

The way to Acceptance, Surrender and Change in your life…

Acknowledging what needs to change in your life is the first step to freedom, until then you have next to no chance of moving forward as you will constantly get in your own way, if your ego doesn’t step up first! We cannot change what we don’t acknowledge and looking into the truth of ourselves or a situation can be confronting, make no mistake.

The path to emotional and psychological freedom is a process, not an event. It takes time to navigate the complexities of human emotion, old patterns of behaviour and outdated beliefs. Time to stop pointing the finger and blaming others. Time to take responsibility for our own actions. Once you have acknowledged something you can move onto the next stage, acceptance. Now things get tricky!

Acceptance doesn’t mean what happened was ok, acceptance comes when you stop pushing up against whatever it is that is bothering you, what keeps coming into your conscious awareness, what’s pissing you off! Acceptance lightens your load and allows a clearer vision, this is good, stick with it.

The next stage is my favourite, surrender.
Surrender takes the burden away, giving up the need to control, the need to get the outcome you want, now there’s the freedom I’m talking about. For me it’s giving it up to the universe though it will be different for everyone. Giving it up takes away the stress of it all and the powers that be will ensure a good outcome for all concerned.

After surrender comes the welcome change. This is a deep inner change, sometimes we are not aware of this until we have walked further down the path of growth and we realise that we are feeling different, lighter, more positive about ourselves and our life. People may comment that we seem different but they can’t put their finger on the reason why.

The beautiful thing about the change is that it brings healing and forgiveness, not just to you but to the people and situations involved in that process. Forgiveness is wonderful and the healing that comes from it is worthy of the whole process.

Soul Merge. The Dark Night of the Soul and Holding onto the Light…

Today I was reminded about where I was on this night just 6 short months ago. I was going through the process of my soul merge and the dark night of the soul. As if that wasn’t enough I was also in the grips of an undiagnosed mental illness.

I was lying on the floor of my shower, water running and I’d been there for I don’t know how long. I had been crying uncontrollably for hours and was working out how I was going to word my suicide note. I was going to write it to my dear friend, who a week earlier I had promised that I would not do anything silly.

I was beside myself and could see no other way. I had a voice in my head telling me to kill myself coz I was a worthless piece of shit and nobody loved me, I was alone in the world. I had no family, just a few friends. This voice had been at me for months on end. I have never felt such utter despair and the pain I was in was excruciating. I had another voice telling me to find the light, even the smallest pin prick of light and to keep my eye on that light.

I dragged myself out of the shower, still sobbing uncontrollably, wrapped myself in a towel and lay down on my bed. I was exhausted emotionally, physically and psychologically. I could feel pain in my chest, my heart hurt.

As I lay there looking at the ceiling I felt a red hot anger rise up within me, I was furious. I told spirit I was done, that I couldn’t continue this struggle anymore. I couldn’t face one more day feeling this way, that I had nothing to offer anyone, especially myself. I flipped the bird to the sky and told them ‘fuck you and the work you want me to do. I’ve tried so hard and this is what I get. Where are you when I need you? I’m done!’

Then the phone rang…

It was my friend, the one I was going to write the suicide note to. She asked me if I was ok and I completely lost my shit. I blurted our where I was at within myself and sobbed uncontrollably whilst telling her how scared I was. I knew I had frightened her but for the first time in my life I had told one person exactly what I’d been through. I lost the worry of the shame and embarrassment I had held onto for over 50 years.

She talked me down from the ledge I was on and stepped up for me. Stepped up and guided me through the next couple of days, weeks and months until I was stable again. She loved me, brought me groceries and flowers, brought treats for the boys, helped me pay the bills and she loved me. She loved me back into being, calling me every day to make sure I was ok. Nothing I can say or do will ever express my deep gratitude for what she did for me. Thank you so much, thank you 🙏

Since that time I have gone from strength to strength and am now the happiest I have ever been. What happened in my past doesn’t matter anymore. I am secure, full of creative energy and I have happiness in my heart. I am joyful and free and I have a new friendship with a soul Sista that is wonderful.

I’m alive ❤️